Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
