Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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