You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
