Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize