So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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