I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
