I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
