We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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