hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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