I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
