Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
