yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
