his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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