make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
