she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
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