It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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