dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The uberlube is also flammable
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
