I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
