My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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