I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
