True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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