On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
too bad you live with your parents still
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
