I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
