You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
