Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
