Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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