so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
