party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
