i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
