It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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