I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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