My sheets look like a crime scene.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize