people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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