Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
