so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
