Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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