He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
