if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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