Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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