4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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