yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
