Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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