The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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