one two three fourrrrnication!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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