I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
