take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
