Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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