haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
