at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
