look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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