somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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