**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
