how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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