with your own penis?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize