I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
