Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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