Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
