if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
