I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
someone owes me an orgasm
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
