i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
