He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
